”Subramanyam sat at his office desk, feeling relaxed as he had no meetings lined up for the day. Just then, he received an e-mail. It was from his bald headed, fiery boss. The first thing he checked, is the mail marked to him or not. Rotten luck, it was indeed for him. He was just going for his tea break. Ahh, the break is now ruined. His boss has sent him a mail, asking for a detailed analysis report, marking 10 other people in the mail. Subramanyam cursed loudly, what an ass!! Boss should have included his parents and the president as well in the mail copy, why only 10 people. Let the whole world know that he is being made to work like silly donkey. The submission deadline was EOD. Whoever came up with that whacky shortform deserved a smack on the head. EOD!!! Is there ever an end to the day? Does it mean during office hours or after office hours or just a fancy way of teasing to say this is your work for the whole day and night, move your ass now.
Subramanyam received another mail. This time he observed that the was in CC. What a relief! Now, there was no action for him at all. He would only read (albeit half-heartedly) and press the read button. He loved such mails, pure bliss and full of entertainment as the participants jostled for pride and attention with point to prove to their bosses and colleagues. In his free time, these were his fodder for stress buster.
Subramanyam did move his ass to get the coffee. While at the coffee table, he looked around his office, saw his colleagues hunched over their laptops, as if their lives depended on it, while typing ferociously at the hapless keyboard. He pondered over all the other types of mail maniacs…
The Postman.
As the name rightly suggests, the only job is that of postman. As soon as a mail arrives, he will find the guinea pig to whom he can thrust the mail to. Ahh, once the mail is sent his job ends there. Till the time, there is no reminder mail from the original sender, there are no follow up mail from the postman as well. His argument..well, if the sender is not in a hurry, why should he be.
Silly Point.
The one amongst us, who is as clueless as a deer caught in the headlights. The mails are flying through and the poor fellow is grappling in the dark. What is the subject matter? Whom does he turn to for clarification without making a mockery of himself? Until he comes to a point where he puts out the question to the whole group in the mail. All hell breaks loose. He becomes the crux of office gossips. A dumb guy sticking his head into the fire. There is always a response to the question, which confuses the fellow even more.
The Last Laugh
There is always that one person in the organization who loves to have the last laugh. That is for every Thank You, he will write a Welcome. You try to close out the matter, they refuse to back down and will write two other things which might not even be related to the subject matter. However, they will write the last line back to you. The mail game gives them the thrills and they wait for any mail coming their way.
The Ignorer
A typical person who simply ignores the first-time requests. When asked he feigns that he was busy and he did not see the mail. Basically, biding his time to show a degree of importance. Unless otherwise personally reminded upon, he will not act, no matter the urgency of the situation.
The missing link
Even though it is a burning topic, a focal point during lunch time discussions, he will simply pretend that the subject is not known to him as he is not part of the mail communication or the mail chain. Even if his response / opinion is sought after, they will basically turn a blind eye and shrug their shoulders with aplomb nonchalance saying they have not received any mail on the subject.
The surprise…
You are going about your routine work in office and suddenly you receive a mail asking for your opinion on the subject. You are clueless of the matter. You try to dig through the mail body and understand the crux, to your absolute horror, the mail communication has been going for days together and suddenly you have been thrown into the mix with all the management and stakeholders in the loop. You scratch your head and try to figure how best to respond which should still sound smarter than yourself.
The Firebrand
The most dreaded man in office. On the face he is an epitome of composure. A gem to respond with. However, through email, he breathes fire. You write anything to him; he will ask a thousand-pointed questions to which you will have no answer to. Even the management will think twice before cross questioning and avoid playing with fire.
His favorite…Cheering Crowd…
There are type of corporate colleagues to whom we fondly referred to as the Cheering Crowd (CC). They will have no responsibility in the subject matter under discussion; however, they will call up and cheer the protagonist for writing a stinking mail or will direct the protagonist to write one. All in all, this kind of homo sapiens love to throw their weight around, being anonymous while still directing traffic with sinister motives. The protagonist bravely fronts up to the punches dished out and faces flak at the expense of the cheering crowd.
Having dissected the different types of mail maniacs, Subramanyam got back to his seat and lost himself in the world of reports, corporate mails and cussing’s.
